fourth of july. i don't care about the US. i should but i don't. US holidays are for my family to get together and have an excuse to splurge on food and just hang out. me being the cleaner and caretaker, my sisters being the cooks and authority of 'things', brother in laws just hanging, mom as safety. i am scared of this feeling. of drifting away from him. but the nervousness and anxiety that i had once have now disappeared. is this the feeling of almost exiting to another world? is this how it is suppose to feel when things are over? i only remembered when tyler moved out, I was a wreck. I didn't feel so bad about josh because i started dating. will i didn't feel bad because he was just a straight up dick. daniel i felt guilty. i knew it was ending but he wouldn't let it go. Paul was inevitable. I tried so hard in taipei but he was clueless, much like my current one. david was somewhere in between in HK. i don't want to go back to the others. i'm tired. long day taking care of household needs. i want to try to make sure my sisters are comfortable as they already have tired lives. less time to themselves. the more i stay here in LA, the more I am at peace.